Secrets of Mind and Reality

Long distance relationships: do they work? It depends on your objectives

We all have a variety of types of relationships. Family and friends we’ve grown up with, might, of necessity, move thousands of miles away, to take on a new job, retire in a sunnier climate, or go away to college. Whatever the reason, you still want to keep in touch, but now your options are limited to a long distance relationship. Emails, texting and personal websites offer ways for you to keep in contact on a daily basis. You already have extensive experience in interacting with these people you know, so continuing your friendship in a long distance relationship is easy and rewarding.

How about long distance relationships of the romantic variety? Perhaps you’ve made a friend online and the better you get to know them, the more entranced you become with this potential soul mate. Perhaps due to financial constraints, you’re not able to communicate except through emails, text messaging or private messaging. Can such a cyber dating relationship stand the test of time? Yes, it can, depending on your mutual motivations. Like a pen pal, you can have long and insightful conversations which bring you ever closer. Nonetheless, there always comes a point when you need to have that face to face contact, if only to reassure yourself – a mutual objective – that this fantasy partner is more than words on a page, or photos you share.

You always reach a point of frustration that’s difficult to transcend, short of meeting in person. Questions arise, worries plague you. Is this person the real thing? Depending on the amount of time you’ve spent corresponding, the litmus test varies. You might become jealous, wondering if all those sweet nothings are just show. Perhaps your cyber dating beloved has a dozen other dates each week. Suspicion rears its ugly head. Soon, you find it imperative that you meet in person.

This is one of the most difficult aspects of the romantic long distance relationship. Perhaps your relationship started out as a friendship, but over the several months you’ve been in contact, it’s evolved into something more, bordering on love. In fact, both parties may now feel insecure, wondering if the love of their life is slipping through their fingers. How do you know? What should you do?

Here’s where it’s important to identify just what your objectives were, at the beginning of your relationship, as well as what you’ve got now. Let’s say that prior to forming this online relationship, you were just getting over a broken, real time love relationship. You were looking for solace and a friend. Perhaps you discovered you seemed to have much in common with this long distance relationship friend, more than you ever achieved with your former love attraction. Were you just hiding out? Were you searching for a new love relationship, without realizing it? Have you been honest with your new cyber friend? Have they been honest with you?

I guess there’s only one way to find out. Let your intuition guide you. Arrange to meet in person, or at least over a video phone meet. Play it safe if you decide to make the jump to a real life face to face. The video option might be most revealing. You can meet your potential soul mate over video, assessing body language, facial expressions and inflections of voice that email and texting can never fulfill. There’s just three options in the face to face: ecstasy, disappointment or a flat encounter.

The romantic long distance relationship can be a bust. On the other hand, you might indeed find your soul mate. In any event, what have you lost?